Getting Serious

by Granate, 2005


Disclaimer: Don't own, not making any money!

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A strange odor was the first thing Roy noticed when he returned home for the evening.  Ed's boots were kicked carelessly in the direction of the hall closet, so Roy surmised he must be home and working on something.  Roy hung his overcoat and put both of their pairs of boots away.  He made his way to kitchen, where the odor was more pungent.  He leaned on the doorframe, arms crossed, just watching.  Ed pulled out another handful of guts and dropped them unceremoniously in a pile on the table.  Both Ed's flesh arms were sticky and covered in junk almost up to his elbow and he used one arm the best he could to push his bangs out of his face before reaching in again.  

"Edward, what are you doing?" Roy asked.

Ed glanced over his shoulder.  "What does it look like I'm doing?" he replied with an incredulous look.

"Mutilating a pumpkin," Roy told him as he approached.  At least Ed had thought to put some old newspaper down over the kitchen table before turning the pumpkin inside out.  

The younger alchemist pulled out another fistful of seeds and innards and tossed the mess on the table.  He was trying to think of a good retort, but it did look like he was mutilating it, actually.  "I'm carving a pumpkin," he corrected.

"What's this, a countrified tradition going on right here in my own home?" Roy asked with a smirk.  

Ed reached in for more guts.  "That's right," he grunted, "and yours is right over there.  Get cracking, City Boy."

Roy looked over and noticed another plump, orange, yet untouched pumpkin sitting at his usual place at the table.  "I'm supposed to do this, too?" he asked, eyebrows raised.

Ed nodded as he continued to empty seeds and strings from his pumpkin.  "Yeah, I sort of told Hughes we'd beat him and Al in a pumpkin carving contest," he said, not looking up.

"I didn't know Hughes participated in the seasonal disfiguring of pumpkins," Roy said.  In fact, he didn't know anyone who did this sort of thing.  It wasn't really done except for in rural areas, as far as he knew.

"Al and I got them all doing it last year," Ed told him.  "Alicia loves it and you know Hughes, any excuse to use his knives."

"Ah," Roy intoned.  It made sense now.

Ed glanced up as the Colonel strode around the table to inspect the pumpkin Ed had brought home for him to carve.  Last year, pumpkin carving had been Al's idea.  The brothers had taken up Hughes and Gracia's offer to live with them when they'd settled down in Central on a more permanent basis.  Late in October, Al had brought home five pumpkins for all of them to crave, just like Ed and Al used to do with their mother when they were kids.  Large pumpkins weren't that easy to find in the city, but Ed had sought them out this year himself.  He knew Al would take care of the Hughes family, so he brought two pumpkins home to this house, where he'd been living for a couple of months now.  

During the summer, he and Roy had decided to stop fooling around and get serious.  Ed hadn't been so sure this would work out.  He'd all but convinced himself that Mustang would inevitably get bored with him and he'd join the innumerable ranks of forgotten exes.  There were conceivably enough people in that group to form an entire auxiliary unit for the military.  However, 'serious' had gotten more serious than either of them had really anticipated and Ed wound up cohabitating and finally moving in.  Ed had been hesitant about this step.  Based on what he knew about Mustang's confirmed bachelorhood, he didn't think the man would take so well to the invasion, but Roy had welcomed Ed into his home and his life in a thousand little understated ways that Ed didn't take for granted for a second.

"Cut a hole in the top first?" Roy asked him.  He looked over again and the Colonel had his jacket off and the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up.  He was looming menacingly over the pumpkin, knife in hand.  

"Yeah," Ed said, "make the cut at an angle so the top doesn't fall in when it put it back on.

Roy nodded and set about the task.  

"You might want to change clothes first, it gets messy," Ed added.

"I'll be all right," Roy replied absently, not looking up.  He completely missed Ed's very sinister smirk.  "So, I didn't know there was an annual pumpkin carving contest in Central," he said as he sawed the knife in a wide circle around the stem of the pumpkin.

"There is now," Ed laughed.   "It's the First Annual Hughes Harvest Celebration and Pumpkin Carving Contest.  We're going over there tomorrow night for a feast and then Alicia will judge the pumpkins."

"Alicia is judging?" Roy asked.  "Then we have an edge."

"Yes, yes, we all know she's in love you," Ed snorted.  Alicia was still not old enough to fully comprehend why Big Brother Ed lived with Uncle Roy.

Roy pried the pumpkin lid off and peered inside.  "Squishy," he said as he reached in.  Ed looked up and watched him pull the first clump of pumpkin guts out.  His arm disappeared inside the pumpkin again, all the way to his crisp, white sleeve.  A smile grew on Ed's lips.  There was no way the man was going to walk away from this clean, he would see to that personally.

"So, why do we mutilate pumpkins?" Roy asked.  "What's the occasion?  Do we hate them?  Did they once do something bad to us?"

"In Riesenburg, it's a kind of fall harvest tradition," Ed answered as he scooped the last of the guts out.  "We have big meals and try to can or store the last of the fall crop yield.  There's some remembrance and honoring of the dead, and scary-story telling for children.  We call it All Hallows Eve."

"Could this have anything at all to do with why children in this city get dressed up in costumes and go door to door looking for candy in a tradition we call Halloween?" Roy asked skeptically.

"I think they're somehow distantly related," Ed said and chuckled a little.  "We didn't do that in Riesenburg.  I wish we'd had enough neighbors to get lots of candy from when I was little.  Did you do that as a kid?"

"Of course!" Mustang grinned.

Ed laughed, trying to picture it.  "What kinds of things did you dress up as?" he asked.

"Oh, the usual," Roy mused, throwing some seeds on the table.  "I was a ghost one year, then a vampire, then a pirate.  I was really in it more for the candy haul when I was little, but when you're a teenager, you stop doing the candy thing and wear your costume to parties.  I always tried to make costumes that looked cool, but Hughes would always dress in these weird, obscure costumes that no one ever got," he chuckled.  

Ed shook his head.  Why did that not surprise him?  "What's Alicia going as this year?" he asked.

"It's always a surprise.  You know we'll be bombarded with pictures soon enough."

"True," Ed agreed and turned his attention back to the pumpkin.  He picked up a knife and began to scratch his design on the surface.  Since there was a contest with an extra piece of pie at stake this year, he'd bought a special knife just for carving.  When he was satisfied with his drawing, he began to cut the pumpkin in earnest.

"So, what are we carving?" Roy asked.  "Any particular theme?"

"Yeah, anything having to do with Autumn or harvest or Halloween, or whatever," Ed replied and shook his hair out of his eyes.  

"Looks like you're doing... a horse?"

"Close," Ed answered, "it's going to be the Headless Horseman."

"The Headless Horseman?" Roy asked, throwing him a look.

"Don't tell me you've never heard of it," Ed scoffed, throwing the look right back.

"I apologize for not being more well-versed in pastoral folklore," Roy said, voice oozing with teasing sarcasm.

Ed rolled his eyes.  This from the man who could put him to sleep discussing the scientific philosophies of long-dead ancient civilizations.  Geez, Roy had even been to Riesenburg, he knew they weren't totally backwards there or anything.  He told Roy the tale of the Horseman as he carved, the same way Al had told Alicia last year.  Telling a grown man was not really as fun as telling a five year old girl in terms of terrified reactions, but Roy made it clear he was listening as he finished pulling the guts out of his pumpkin.  

In Ed's opinion, the man remained much too clean during the ordeal.  He eyed the pristine uniform pants and shirt, wondering if Roy had purposefully not changed clothes.  He was well aware that when Ed saw him in a spotless uniform, he always wanted to mess it up, whether by wrinkling it and/or having some manner of gloriously messy sex on it.  Roy was just lucky Ed usually managed to wait until they were home to attack.  Usually.

"Well, this is a lovely, bucolic scene right here in the middle of Central City.  We should be on a postcard," Roy joked as he looked over the mounds of pumpkin seeds on the table.  "I suddenly feel so… agricultural and… manly!"

"Easy there, City Boy," Ed said, trying not to laugh.  "Start thinking about what you want to carve on the gourd you just conquered."

Roy pondered this for a bit before picking up a knife.  Every time Ed tried to look over at what he was doing, he turned it away so Ed couldn't see.  He was still working as Ed put the finishing touches on his Headless Horseman.  Ed went to the stove to heat up some of the apple cider he'd brought home.  That was quite a bit easier to find in Central City in the fall than pumpkins had been.  He stirred the cider and watched the man at the table, diligently hunched over his pumpkin, making small, detailed knife cuts.  He looked really into it.  That was so like him.  The old dog was definitely good at picking up new tricks, Ed new that much for certain.  Ed had no doubt the carving would be superb.  

He brought two mugs of cider to the table when it was hot.  Roy murmured his thanks, had a sip, and immediately got back to work.  After just a few more minutes, he proclaimed himself done and turned the pumpkin's face toward Ed.  It was a caped figure in a cemetery with bats everywhere.

"A vampire," Ed guessed.

"Correct!" Roy grinned.  

"It's really good," Ed admitted.

Roy took another sip of cider and leaned his elbows on the table.  "Do we dress up for the feast tomorrow?" he asked Ed.

"Oh, they didn't say," Ed replied.

"Why don't you go as the Headless Horseman and I'll go as a vampire?" Roy suggested with a genuine smile.  "You can fasten a cape over your head, I can find some white make-up.  What do you think?"

"I think it's a great idea!" Ed exclaimed.  "Alicia will love it!

"You could even go trick-or-treating with the kids if you wanted to," Roy added.

"It's not like you need white make-up, pasty," Ed snarked and kicked him under the table.

"Even if you fasten a cape over your head and put a jack-o-lantern on top, you still won't be as tall as me," Roy teased and kicked him back.

"Watch it, Count Mustang," Ed griped, "or people might find out that it's not blood that you suck."

Roy smirked.  "Speaking of that, if I'm good later, do I get more spooky tales?" he asked and took a sip from his mug.

"Maybe I want to hear some of your spooky stories," Ed replied aloofly.

"I think I've got a few," Mustang said.  He was still carrying on conversation, but his eyes said his mind had gone in another direction.

Ed got up and went to the man's chair.  Roy sat back and looked up at him with the clouded eyes Ed was now so familiar with.  No matter how many times he'd seen it now, it still made his heart beat faster.  He leaned down for a kiss and Roy's hand grasped his black tank top, pulling him so their lips met.  

It was not to be denied that Roy was an amazing kisser, and Ed had to remind himself that he had ulterior motives this time.  As they kissed, he scooped up a handful of pumpkin guts and suddenly smeared it down Roy's chest, all over his clean white shirt.  Ed broke away with a cackle to appraise the damage.  Mustang's jaw dropped into a shocked 'o' as he looked down at himself.  Had anyone ever slimed Roy Mustang with pumpkin guts before?  Probably not.

"Edward…"

For a moment it looked like he couldn't decide whether to be mad or not, but then Ed saw him reach for some of the carnage on the table.  Ed began to run around the table and Mustang came after him.  He managed to get a hold of Ed's braid and wrap his handful of pumpkin innards around it.

Ed squawked as he was pulled backwards and caught in a strong arm.  A gentle tug on his hair brought his head back for another sound kiss.  He moaned into Roy's mouth, the man's tongue almost succeeding in making him forget himself.  That is, until he felt a hand working the pumpkin guts into his hair rather thoroughly.  His own hand was still dripping with pumpkin juices and he wiped it firmly on the side of the man's neck.

"Ugghh!" Roy yelped and let go just enough for Ed to escape, though his braid was soaked and had seeds clinging to it.  The blond cackled again and dashed around the table.  Mustang grabbed another arsenal of pumpkin entrails and charged after him.  Ed duped him and managed to keep the table between them, so Roy resorted to throwing the clumps of seeds at him.

Ed laughed and ducked and snatched up some pumpkin guts for a return fire.  He crowed when he nailed Mustang in the arm, but then slipped on a wad of innards on the floor.  Between that and Roy nearly tackling him over, he wasn't sure how he stayed upright.  Roy trapped him in his long arms and stuck a slippery finger in his ear.

"Eww!" Ed nearly shrieked as Roy gave him a wet willy with pumpkin gut juice.  He hunched his shoulders and managed to squirm away as Roy laughed.  "Gross!" Ed accused, waving his arms around and trying to get rid of the feeling.  

Roy had his head thrown back and his shoulders shook with laughter.  

Ed snatched two fistfuls of pumpkin guts, ran over and gave Roy's butt a good hard squeeze through his uniform pants.  Hands grabbed for him, but he was able to dart away before he could be caught.  The older man was still laughing and now trying to look back at the two handprints on his ass.

A determined look flashed in Mustang's dark eyes and he was suddenly on the move again.  "Come back here, Edvard Elric, I vant to suck your blood!" he threatened.  Ed tried to stay out of reach, but was laughing too hard at the corny accent.

"Wha-  Hey!" Ed blustered as Roy swiftly picked him up and set him down on the counter.  As Ed had implied earlier, it wasn't blood that he sucked.

+

There were no pumpkin guts on the ceiling, Roy could see that much from on his back on the kitchen floor.  It wasn't the most comfortable place to be lying, but when the Fullmetal Alchemist wanted to show his gratitude for a spectacular blowjob, one didn't exactly get a choice of where it happened.  He gave a sated sigh and ran a hand through his hair.  Or, tried to, anyway.  His dark hair was stuck together with pumpkin juice from Ed's hands clenching it before.

"Shower with me, oh Pasty Prince of Darkness," Ed purred.  He was still straddling one of Roy's bare thighs and lapping lazily at his stomach.  The blend of sweat, come, and pumpkin juice was odd, but interesting.

"I'd be delighted to, but clean up first," Roy said, propping himself up on his elbows.

"Right.  Clean up, then shower.  Then spooky tales?" Ed asked as he slowly stood up.

"Yes, then spooky tales," Roy said agreeably.  He managed to stand himself up and they turned to the table.

"Well, I think that was a success," Roy said with satisfaction as he studied the chaos that had once been his kitchen.  Yes, there were two nicely carved pumpkins, but there were also pumpkin pieces, guts, and seeds all over the table, countertops, floor, and even on the walls.

"Anything that ends in oral sex is a success to you," Ed snickered from behind him.  

They cleaned up the mess together and Ed smiled to himself because it occurred to him that maybe he and Roy had never gotten serious at all.  Maybe they'd just taken their fooling around to a whole new level.